Corzine Campaign To Biden: You Get A Microphone At Rally But We Won’t Turn It On

Joe Biden gets a mic, but no power.

Campaign officials for Gov. Jon Corzine have agreed to give Vice President Joe Biden a microphone at an upcoming re-election kickoff but are refusing to plug it into a speaker.

In addition, the governor’s campaign workers have hired a ventriloquist to make it appear the words coming from Biden’s mouth are his own. They also have put on standby crews with jackhammers and dump trucks that will begin backing up if Biden tries to raise his voice.

“Statistically, there is a 99.997 percent chance Biden will say something that a)will cost us hundreds, if not thousands, of votes or b)will plunge New Jersey into a state of emergency leading to panic in the streets, widespread rioting and the election of one of The Real Housewives of New Jersey as governor,” one senior aide said. “We’re hoping we only have to deal with A, but we’re planning for B.

“Because really, at this point, Jon Corzine doesn’t need any more reasons for people to not vote for him,” the aide said.

Publicly, the Corzine campaign has embraced Biden’s offer to appear at a rally to be held June 2, the night of the primary election. But privately, the governor’s closest advisers equate Biden’s presence to a Chinese acrobatic show — things could go horribly wrong at any moment and that’s why many people watch.

For his part, Biden doesn’t see what all the fuss is about.

“Listen, the Corzine people don’t want me to talk about certain stuff. I understand they don’t want details of Jon’s gender reassignment surgery out there before the election and can respect that,” the vice president said. “They’ve got nothing to worry about.”