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Chris Christie and his running mate, about to dive into lunch.

Chris Christie and his running mate, about to dive into lunch.

New Jersey environmental officials are warning young children, the elderly and people with respiratory diseases to remain inside until further notice after they learned GOP gubernatorial candidate Chris Christie had two cheesy double beef burritos, a Gordita supreme and volcano nachos for lunch.

The alert noted air quality levels were expected to reach the “Unhealthy for Sensitive Groups category throughout New Jersey during the afternoon and early evening hours,” which would coincide with the fast food Mexican meal making its way through Christie’s stomach, small intestines and large intestines. Officials said there likely would be a steep decline in air quality at some point within the next 24 hours before the crisis passes.

“This is not a drill. This is not an exercise meant to scare the general public when no threat exists,” DEP Commissioner Mark Mauriello said at a news conference in Trenton. “When our surveillance teams learned what was happening they called it in right away. I mean, my God man, volcano nachos? Think of the children. Just think of the children!”

Christie’s campaign acknowledged the candidate, who enjoys a comfortable lead over Gov. Jon Corzine in the polls, treated himself and some staff to a Mexican fiesta lunch at a Taco Bell on Route 22 in Green Brook after a campaign stop. But spokesman Bill Stepien railed against the Department of Environmental Protection’s action and said Mauriello was just a gas bag doing Corzine’s bidding.

“So Chris had some Mexican food. So what? He also took Extra Strength Gas-X. But you don’t hear the state talking about that, do you?” Stepien said. “And what about Jon Corzine? We have information the governor and his rich friends feasted on meat cooked rare at a fancy steak house in Hoboken. You want to talk about air quality concerns, look no further. But again, you won’t hear that from so-called ‘independent state agencies.’”

Mauriello stood by the alert and denied any political motivation.

“This isn’t about Republicans or Democrats. Taco Bell will do this to candidates from either party, but in this case, Mr. Christie’s intake was such that we had serious emission concerns,” he said. “In the end, we just want to save lives.”

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Ralph Hulbeck talks to reporters about the news story he saw.

Ralph Hulbeck talks to reporters about the news story he saw.

A Hackettstown man who witnessed a news story about an airplane and helicopter that collided over the Hudson River said he would have missed the report if he hadn’t temporarily misplaced the TV remote.

Ralph Hulbeck said he wanted to change the channel after watching the Bruce Willis classic “Hart’s War,” but lost the remote somewhere in the couch cushions.

“Before I knew it, the evening news came on and they were talking about an airplane and a helicopter that hit each other in mid air over the Hudson,” a visibly shaken Hulbeck said outside his house, surrounded by reporters. “I was like, ‘Oh my God, did I just see that? I mean, I was minding my own business, thinking about why Bruce’s character came back when he knew he would be shot by the Germans, and bam, all of a sudden, this guy is talking about a mid-air collision that happened hours ago.

“The image of that news anchor is just seared into my brain. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the pancake makeup on his face.”

Hulbeck, an air conditioner repairman, said he knew something serious had happened because of a graphic that came up just as the news started that said, “Death Over The Hudson.” Then, he said, the station went to a reporter standing near some water who talked for a little while followed by an animation of what might have happened if Capt. Sullenberger had been flying the plane and a promo about possible showers coming in overnight.

Hulbeck told reporters that if he knew where the remote was, he would have switched to a rerun of “The King of Queens.”

“This is what cooks my noodle: If the remote hadn’t gotten pushed under a pillow on the couch, I would have punched in zero-nine on that clicker and been watching Kevin James do what he does best,” Hulbeck said. “Instead, by mere chance, I was witness to something that sent chills down my spine. Well, Kevin James sometimes sends chills down my spine, but this was different. God really does work in mysterious ways.”

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Jack Shaw showing off his latest political protege

Jack Shaw showing off his latest political protege

The rotting, battered carcass of a dead humpback whale that washed ashore on Monmouth Beach was elected mayor of Hoboken, replacing the city’s prior leader who resigned after being arrested in a massive corruption scandal.

The whale, which did not respond to repeated requests for comment, was elected with 95 percent of the vote, according to election officials. Voter turnout was high, with 97 percent of registered voters casting their ballot, despite no advance public notice about the election.

“We’re certain this was a clean and fair election with no irregularities,” city clerk James Farina said moments after the polls closed, which was just 3 minutes after they opened. “Once again, the citizens of Hoboken exercised their voting rights with enthusiasm and showed why this city is a shining example of democracy in action for not only the rest of the state, but also the nation.”

The mayor’s post became available after the resignation of Peter Cammarano III, who is one of dozens charged in a federal political corruption case. The whale apparently became a lock after political consultant Jack Shaw attached himself to the marine mammal’s campaign.

Shaw was found dead the same day the dead whale was elected.

“Jack wasn’t a show-off, but he said to me, ‘I’ve got Hudson County so locked down, I could even get a putrid, decaying whale carcass elected,’” a friend recalled. “I said, ‘I bet you can’t.’ Boy was I wrong. Do you smell something?”

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Fort Dix, site of the next NJ League of Municipalities conference

Fort Dix, site of the next NJ League of Municipalities conference

Citing the need to keep up with the changing residency of its membership, the New Jersey State League of Municipalities said it will hold its upcoming annual conference at the Federal Correctional Institution at Fort Dix.

While the league has more than 13,000 members, consisting of mayors and elected or appointed local officials, Executive Director Bill Dressel said attendance has been dropping during the past few conventions.

“Not everyone can get a prison furlough to make it,” Dressel said. “So we decided, hey, let’s go where our members are. Most years that’s Atlantic City. This year, well, it’s somewhere else. But at least we’re guaranteed to have a good turnout.”

The 2008 gathering was dubbed “Challenges and Changes, A Time for New Ideas.” This year, staff has settled on “Getting Things Done, Everyone Has Their Price.”

Organizers said the 4-day event scheduled for November is packed with useful workshops and educational seminars, including “Perfecting the Perp Walk: How to Look Your Best” and “Letter Sized or Manila Envelopes? The Best Way to Accept ‘Contributions.’”

“I wish they had held this conference about three months ago,” Hoboken Mayor Peter Cammarano said from a holding cell. “Then again, good politicians learn from their mistakes and as it turns out, I think I may have a fair amount of free time in the next few years to really study up on things.”

Dressel said this year’s conference has been certified kosher by a group of Orthodox rabbis from Monmouth and Ocean counties.

“These are men of God,” he said. “If they give their blessing to something, that’s as good as cash in the bank.”

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Running mates Corzine and Obama wave to supporters.

Running mates Corzine and Obama wave to supporters.

Charismatic, eloquent, smart, electable. Those are the words New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine used to describe his long-awaited choice for lieutenant governor and running mate, President Obama.

At a campaign rally at the PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel, Corzine introduced his second-in-command to thousands of enthusiastic supporters.

“I share your values, I share your commitment and I share the sense of purpose you bring to public life,” Corzine said at the event, where crowds waved “Corzine/Obama ‘09″ placards. “Now if I could just share your approval ratings, we’d all be breathing a little easier. Ha ha….Who wrote this crap? Michael, you’re fired!”

The Corzine campaign has been searching for months for a suitable running mate who can help the governor overcome a sizeable lead in the polls enjoyed by Republican challenger Chris Christie. Although many names have been floated, from Newark Mayor Cory Booker to one-time Apprentice winner Randal Pinkett, aides to Corzine said none carry the star power of Barack Obama.

“We understand Obama may have other priorities as leader of the free world,” one senior Corzine adviser said. “But listen, the lieutenant governor’s job is much like the vice president’s - it’s largely ceremonial. A ribbon cutting in Clark, a groundbreaking in Somerset. We estimate the president will probably need to devote at most a couple of hours a week to the job.”

For his part, Obama seemed to accept his new role with Corzine in the same way a condemned inmate approaches the electric chair.

“You’ve decided it’s time for change. You’re willing to face the future unafraid. If you do that, if you stand with us…if you reelect Jon Corzine, there is nothing that’s going to stop us, New Jersey,” the president said in a monotone voice.

“Okay, let’s blow this shithole of a state. Oh, the mic is still on? I love you New Jersey!”

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