Chris Daggett displaying his participation ribbon.

New Jersey election officials presented independent gubernatorial candidate Chris Daggett a special blue ribbon for taking part in the governor’s race and a coupon for a free 20-ounce soda with purchase of a 6-inch sub at Subway.

“While there will be winners and losers in the upcoming election, let’s not focus on such pejorative terms that categorize someone as one or the other,” said Robert Giles, director of the state Division of Elections. “Everyone involved, including Chris Daggett, participated and that’s nearly as important as winning one of the most powerful governorships in the nation.”

Although the actual election still is two months away, officials said they wanted to recognize Daggett now so he could proudly wear the participation ribbon on his wide array of polo shirts during campaign stops. The ribbon says, “Participant. NJ gubernatorial race, 2009.”

“I am grateful to have received this wonderful honor that I should note is not handed out to just anyone on the street,” Daggett said to himself at an empty news conference. “You have to be a participant in the governor’s race. That’s me. I participated.”

Gov. Jon Corzine paid $475,000 for his participation ribbon, while GOP challenger Chris Christie refused a ribbon, saying the American flag badge he wears proves he’s the only true patriot among the candidates.

Later, during a conference call, Daggett was asked how he was spending the public funding he qualified for. “Well, Old Navy had a sale on polos and you can never have too many of those,” he said.

Daggett also said he was busy preparing for the upcoming candidate debates, studying his key issues such as education, ethics, the environment and other things that begin with “e.” However, a leaked copy of questions that will be asked at the debate indicates the most probing query on tap for Daggett is, “What did you have for breakfast?”

Jack Shaw showing off his latest political protege

The rotting, battered carcass of a dead humpback whale that washed ashore on Monmouth Beach was elected mayor of Hoboken, replacing the city’s prior leader who resigned after being arrested in a massive corruption scandal.

The whale, which did not respond to repeated requests for comment, was elected with 95 percent of the vote, according to election officials. Voter turnout was high, with 97 percent of registered voters casting their ballot, despite no advance public notice about the election.

“We’re certain this was a clean and fair election with no irregularities,” city clerk James Farina said moments after the polls closed, which was just 3 minutes after they opened. “Once again, the citizens of Hoboken exercised their voting rights with enthusiasm and showed why this city is a shining example of democracy in action for not only the rest of the state, but also the nation.”

The mayor’s post became available after the resignation of Peter Cammarano III, who is one of dozens charged in a federal political corruption case. The whale apparently became a lock after political consultant Jack Shaw attached himself to the marine mammal’s campaign.

Shaw was found dead the same day the dead whale was elected.

“Jack wasn’t a show-off, but he said to me, ‘I’ve got Hudson County so locked down, I could even get a putrid, decaying whale carcass elected,’” a friend recalled. “I said, ‘I bet you can’t.’ Boy was I wrong. Do you smell something?”

Running mates Corzine and Obama wave to supporters.

Charismatic, eloquent, smart, electable. Those are the words New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine used to describe his long-awaited choice for lieutenant governor and running mate, President Obama.

At a campaign rally at the PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel, Corzine introduced his second-in-command to thousands of enthusiastic supporters.

“I share your values, I share your commitment and I share the sense of purpose you bring to public life,” Corzine said at the event, where crowds waved “Corzine/Obama ‘09″ placards. “Now if I could just share your approval ratings, we’d all be breathing a little easier. Ha ha….Who wrote this crap? Michael, you’re fired!”

The Corzine campaign has been searching for months for a suitable running mate who can help the governor overcome a sizeable lead in the polls enjoyed by Republican challenger Chris Christie. Although many names have been floated, from Newark Mayor Cory Booker to one-time Apprentice winner Randal Pinkett, aides to Corzine said none carry the star power of Barack Obama.

“We understand Obama may have other priorities as leader of the free world,” one senior Corzine adviser said. “But listen, the lieutenant governor’s job is much like the vice president’s - it’s largely ceremonial. A ribbon cutting in Clark, a groundbreaking in Somerset. We estimate the president will probably need to devote at most a couple of hours a week to the job.”

For his part, Obama seemed to accept his new role with Corzine in the same way a condemned inmate approaches the electric chair.

“You’ve decided it’s time for change. You’re willing to face the future unafraid. If you do that, if you stand with us…if you reelect Jon Corzine, there is nothing that’s going to stop us, New Jersey,” the president said in a monotone voice.

“Okay, let’s blow this shithole of a state. Oh, the mic is still on? I love you New Jersey!”

Fire Bolt on his way to another stomp speech

A dark horse candidate has been galloping through New Jersey picking up supporters in a quest for the Republican gubernatorial nomination and as the race approaches the finish line, some political experts believe he could beat the odds and win.

Many conservative voters who’ve shown up for the candidate’s stomp speeches are surprised to learn he is literally a dark horse - a 3-year-old black stallion named Fire Bolt.

“From what I heard, I was impressed,” said Bernardsville resident Jack Ledbetter, a lifelong Republican. “I like his stance on gun rights, abortion and choosing alfalfa over hay. Of course, I was kind of reading between the lines a little, considering he only whinnied and dragged his hoof in the dirt.

“Even so, Fire Bolt makes more sense to me than that fellow with the sketchy brother and the other guy who reminds me of Dr. Strangelove.”

With his flowing mane, sleek muscles and intense eyes, Fire Bolt has all the right looks for one demographic, according to recent polls - conservative white males. When shown pictures of Fire Bolt, Chris Christie and Steve Lonegan and asked who they’d vote for in the primary Tuesday, 87 percent of Republican men who are white chose the horse.

“I think there’s something captivating about a big, strong stallion with bulging muscles just beneath the skin, at least for conservative males,” pollster Don Schwartzman said. “I can’t tell you the reasons, I just know the data tells me they are hooked on that horse.”

But until voters step into the booth to cast their ballot, it’s never clear what will happen. Schwartzman suspects that despite the latest polls, it’s still neck and neck between Christie and Fire Bolt.

“In the end, I’m pretty sure it’s going to be Fire Bolt by a nose,” the pollster said, “mostly because Christie isn’t a good mudder and has a poor sprint down the home stretch.”

Joe Biden gets a mic, but no power.

Campaign officials for Gov. Jon Corzine have agreed to give Vice President Joe Biden a microphone at an upcoming re-election kickoff but are refusing to plug it into a speaker.

In addition, the governor’s campaign workers have hired a ventriloquist to make it appear the words coming from Biden’s mouth are his own. They also have put on standby crews with jackhammers and dump trucks that will begin backing up if Biden tries to raise his voice.

“Statistically, there is a 99.997 percent chance Biden will say something that a)will cost us hundreds, if not thousands, of votes or b)will plunge New Jersey into a state of emergency leading to panic in the streets, widespread rioting and the election of one of The Real Housewives of New Jersey as governor,” one senior aide said. “We’re hoping we only have to deal with A, but we’re planning for B.

“Because really, at this point, Jon Corzine doesn’t need any more reasons for people to not vote for him,” the aide said.

Publicly, the Corzine campaign has embraced Biden’s offer to appear at a rally to be held June 2, the night of the primary election. But privately, the governor’s closest advisers equate Biden’s presence to a Chinese acrobatic show — things could go horribly wrong at any moment and that’s why many people watch.

For his part, Biden doesn’t see what all the fuss is about.

“Listen, the Corzine people don’t want me to talk about certain stuff. I understand they don’t want details of Jon’s gender reassignment surgery out there before the election and can respect that,” the vice president said. “They’ve got nothing to worry about.”

Steve Lonegan polled well with pale, sweaty white guys

New polling suggests Republican gubernatorial candidate Steve Lonegan has a virtual stranglehold on male voters who are pale, sweat excessively and make people a little creeped out.

The Quinnipiac University poll found that while Lonegan trails GOP frontrunner Chris Christie by a wide margin among likely voters, the tables are turned when looking only at men with pasty skin, undiagnosed hyperhidrosis and a slight leer.

“The results are simply stunning,” poll director Don Schwartzman said. “Some of it can likely be explained by his positions on immigration, gun proliferation and flat taxes. But there is more going on here and part of it, I think, is this demographic, for some unknown reason, feels a strong connection to Lonegan.”

The survey asked questions of 2,456 registered New Jersey voters, 723 of whom were identified as “sweaty, pale white guy.” Of the overall likely voters, 4 percent said they planned to vote for Lonegan. But among the sub-demographic, 97 percent said they supported the former mayor of Bogota.

The poll had a 3 percent margin of error.

One of the poll’s respondents, Roy Hatton, said he’s been outside his first-floor North Plainfield apartment only twice since Steve Forbes ran unsuccessfully for president on the flat tax issue in 1996. He answered his door with a towel draped around his neck and his shirt drenched. (When asked if he had just gotten out of the shower, Hatton said, “No. Why?”)

“Steve Lonegan speaks to me in a way the other candidates don’t. Mostly at night, when I’m alone. Well, I’m always alone, but when the TV is off,” Hatton said. “I think if enough of us band together with our absentee ballots, we can get him into the general election.”

Lonegan’s campaign declined to discuss the poll results, but pointed to a section of his website that reads, “He understands your problems, because he shares your problems. He’s for us, because he’s one of us.”