Bob's Silencer-Mart doing a brisk business
Bob Kraus isn’t crazy about the government with all its power and rules and secretly implanting chips in people’s brains. But the owner of Bob’s Silencer-Mart in Greenbrook is thankful police in Newark and other New Jersey cities have been installing costly gunshot detection systems.
“I tell you, business hasn’t been this good since the mob wars of the 1970s,” Kraus said recently between ringing up sales at his store on Route 22. “So even though I don’t like those socialists snooping on citizens like they are, my sales are up 200 percent. And that means Daddy’s finally gonna be able to expand his survival bunker.
“My wife will be happy to hear there might now be room for her. Or my ham radio equipment. We’ll see.”
The Newark gunshot detection system, a network of sensors installed on buildings throughout the city, must be calibrated initially to exclude certain sounds that resemble gunshots, police said.
“For example, right now the system will still alert on Officer Power’s bodily functions,” Newark Police Director Garry McCarthy said in explaining the process. “In time, we’re confident we won’t be dispatching the SWAT team every time he has tacos for lunch.”
At Silencer-Mart, Kraus has been running a buy 2, get 1 free unadvertised special on his products. Sales have been brisk on silencers for .22 caliber pistols, 9mm pistols, .45 caliber handguns, MP5 rifles and AR-15 assault rifle, he said.
“I accept all major credit cards, but most of my customers insist on paying cash,” he said. “That’s fine even though it’s fiat money. I convert it all to gold anyway for when our society finally collapses, which according to my calculations should be sometime in May.”
Customers shopping at Silencer-Mart said they were merely trying to help the environment by cutting down on noise pollution.
“I’ve got a baby at home. I can’t be shooting loud guns off every time someone won’t be quiet outside or takes my parking space or looks at me, you know, funny,” Al Jackson of Newark said while pushing a cart loaded with about two dozen silencers. “This stuff is a win-win. The cops get to say their gun shot incidents went down because of some new fangled system. My baby gets to sleep. And I get to fire my guns as much as I damn well please.”
